The Place of Women in Pure Islam (2)
(continued)
WOMAN'S RIGHTS
While the Hadith enumerates the husband's rights, the woman's rights are simple, as the following Hadith shows:
"'O Messenger of Allah ! What right has the wife of one among us got over him?' He said: 'It is that you shall give her food when you have taken your food, that you shall clothe her when you have clothed yourself, that you shall not slap her on the face, nor revile her, nor desert her except within the house.'"[50]
MAN'S PREROGATIVES
1. MAN MAY BEAT AND SEXUALLY DESERT HIS WIFE
The Qur'an describes the natural relationship between the husband and the wife as one of love and mercy: "He has set between you love (mawaddah) and mercy." Q. 30:21. A contemporary scholar, Sayyed Qotb sees that the love and the mercy spoken of in this verse as the natural feelings the man has for the opposite sex that was planted by the creator. Earlier scholars saw that "love" between the husband and the wife in the above verse refers to the sexual act, while "mercy" refers to the offspring of the man and his wife.[51] The important thing to note is that this love and mercy is not found in the man apart from the woman, but it is a mutual thing found in both. And the Qur'an commands men to "Consort with them (women) in kindness (ma'ruf)." Q. 4:19 According to the Dictionary of Qur'anic terms and concepts the word "ma'ruf" means "customary law; enjoining good and forbidding evil."[52]
Elsewhere the word is translated many times as equitable as in Yusuf Ali's English translation of the Qur'an.[53] In other words when women behave properly they are to be treated kindly, the treatment must be equitable according to the customary laws.
There is also a Hadith that describes the good husband; "The best of you are those who are the best to their wives."[54] (that Hadith is mentioned only by Tirmizi). But how far this goodness will go in difficult times, when the wife does not behave properly?
The man according to the Qur'an has the responsibility to admonish his wife, and the right to desert her sexually, and to beat her to correct any rebelliousness in her behaviour.
The Qur'an states:
"Righteous women are therefore obedient, ... And those you fear may be rebellious (nushuz) admonish; banish them to their couches, and beat them."[55]
Some translators add the word lightly after 'beat them'[56] in Q. 4:34. Others like Mohammed Pickthall and Rodwell translate the word 'edrebouhon - beat them' as 'scourge them'.
The occasion in which Q. 4:34 was revealed sheds more light on the meaning of that verse. Most commentators mention that
"the above verse was revealed in connection with a woman who complained to Mohammad that her husband slapped her on the face (which was still marked by the slap). At first the Prophet said to her: 'Get even with him', but then added: 'Wait until I think about it.' Later on the above verse was revealed, after which the Prophet said: 'We wanted one thing but Allah wanted another, and what Allah wanted is best.'"[57]
The beating in the previous incident can hardly be described as light, unless that is what is meant by light beating. This beating comes as the last corrective measure when sexual desertion fails. Light beating after sexual desertion is an anticlimax that serves no purpose. But firm beating is the logical progression from admonishing, then sexually deserting, finally beating her. This beating must be stronger than sexual desertion to have any effect.
This beating however is not like the whipping of a slave,[58] but "a beating without causing injury"[59] (agreed upon).
So the man has the right to beat his rebellious wife as long as that beating is not like the whipping of the slave and will not result in injury.
The translator of Mishkat Al-Masabih wrote in a footnote of Fatwa by Qazi Khan that said beating the wife mildly is
"allowed in four cases (1) When she does not wear fineries though wanted by the husband, (2) When she is called for sexual intercourse and she refuses without any lawful excuse, (3) When she is ordered to take a bath [to clean herself] from impurities for prayer and she refuses and (4) When she goes abroad without permission of her husband."[60]
In another footnote the translator of Mishkat Al-Masabih said,
"No wife shall refuse her husband what he wants from her except on religious grounds ie. at the time of menstrual flow or fasting. Some theologians regard this refusal as unlawful as the husband may get enjoyment from his wife in other ways, by embracing, kissing etc. The duty of the wife is to give him comforts in his bed whenever he wants her."[61] (emphasis added)
This beating is the husband's unquestionable right.
Ibn Kathir in his commentary mentioned a Hadith on the authority of zal Ash'ath Ibn al-Qays who was visiting 'Omar and at that time. 'Omar took his wife and beat her, then said to Ash'ath:
'Memorise three things from me, which I memorised from the prophet who said: "The man is not to be asked why he beat his wife ..."'[62]
Man's right to 'beat his wife' does not belong to the distant past. The Guardian Weekly reported,
"In 1987 an Egyptian court, following an interpretation of the Koran proposed by the Syndicate of Arab Lawyers, ruled that a husband had the duty to educate his wife and therefore the right to punish her as he wished."[63]
Sayyed Qotb a modern scholar and commentator tries to justify the provision for a man to beat his wife, found in the above Qur'anic verse:
"The facts of life, and the psychological observations of certain forms of deviations indicate that this approach (beating the wife) is the most appropriate one to satisfy a particular form of deviation, reforming the behaviour of the person ... and gratifying her ... at the same time!
ven without the existence of this form of psychological deviation, perhaps some women will not recognise the power of the man whom they love to have as their guardian and husband, except when the man conquers them physically! This is not the nature of every woman. But this kind does exist. And it is this kind that needs this last treatment to be set straight, and remain within the serious organisation [marriage] in peace and tranquillity."[64]
Some intellectuals, referring to the above quotation, said:
"Women's rebelliousness (nushuz) is a medical condition. It is of two kinds: The first is the condition when the woman delights to be the submissive partner who finds pleasure in being beaten and tortured. This is what is called Masochism. The second is when the woman loves to hurt and master and dominate the other partner. This is what is called Sadism. Such woman has no remedy except removing her spikes and destroying her weapon by which she dominates. This weapon of the woman is her femininity. But the other woman who delights in submission and being beaten, then beating is her remedy. So the Qur'anic command: 'banish them to their couches, and beat them' agrees with the latest psychological findings in understanding the rebellious woman. This is one of the scientific miracles of the Qur'an because it sums up volumes of the science of psychology about rebellious women."[65]
The above two quotations state that the Qur'anic injunction to beat the perverted masochist woman will cure her from her disorder. But will it rather increase her perversion by giving her the pleasure she sought? Will giving alcohol to the alcoholic be his remedy too? And why beat the sadist wife? Why not let her have her own way too, like the masochistic one? Why not let her beat and torture others?
Even if this treatment is of benefit to the minority of women who are perverted, does this justify the command to beat the wife who rebels for any and every reason?
Whether or not the beating of wives is justified, this is the man's right, and his alone.
The man who fears rebelliousness in his wife must admonish her first. If that does not work, the husband has the right to desert her sexually. If that does not work either, he has the right to beat her.
Sayyed Qotb explains the dynamics of deserting the wife sexually if admonishing her does not work:
"Here comes the second phase ... the man has to make a superior psychological move against all her attraction and beauty, by banishing her to her couch, for the couch (the bed) is the place of temptation and enticement, where the rebellious woman reaches the summit of her power. If the man can conquer his disposition against her temptation, then he has disarmed her from her sharpest and most treasured weapon."[66]
Another scholar reiterating the above said:
"This sexual desertion is a remedy that curbs the rebelliousness of the woman, and humiliates her pride, in that which she treasures most, her femininity ... thus inflicting the most humiliating defeat on the woman. "[67]
The man then has the right to desert his wife sexually and beat her, if he fears rebelliousness in her.
The woman, however, can not resort to such measures, if she fears rebelliousness in her husband, as is clear from the following verse:
"If a woman fears rebelliousness or aversion in her husband, there is no fault in them if the couple set things right between them; right settlement is better.[68]
It is clear from Q. 4:128 & Q. 4:34 that the Qur'an commands diplomacy when a woman fears rebelliousness in her husband. But when the man fears rebelliousness in his wife, the Qur'an commands the use of force and sexual desertion.
Bukhari gives an example of the wife's options if she fears cruelty or desertion on her husband's part in the following Hadith:
"... narrated 'Aisha (regarding the verse:- 'If a wife fears cruelty or desertion on her husband's part...) It concerns the woman whose husband does not want to keep her with him any longer, but wants to divorce her and marry some other lady, so she says to him: 'Keep me and do not divorce me, and then marry another woman, and you may neither spend on me, nor sleep with me.' This is indicated by the statement of Allah:- 'There is no blame on them if they arrange an amicable set tlement between them both, and such settlement is better.'"[69] (emphasis added)
So according to Bukhari's sound Hadith, the recommended amicable settlement for the woman who fears cruelty or desertion on her husband's part, is to submit to her husband's will to marry another woman, and to forego her financial and sexual rights.
Beating the rebellious wife is the last resort before divorcing her. She must be admonished first. If that does not work, the husband has the right to desert her sexually. The Qur'anic injunction to consort with women kindly is not inconsistent with beating the rebellious wife and sexually deserting her, this beating is included and part of the scope of the kind treatment. The prophet himself, who was the kindest of all Muslims to his wives, deserted them all sexually for one month.[70] Imam Ghazali puts it this way: "There is wickedness and weakness in women. Diplomacy and harshness is the remedy of wickedness, kindness and gentleness is the remedy of weakness."[71]
In contrast to the way a husband can treat his wife, in Islam children are required to treat their mothers with utmost respect according to the following two Hadiths:
Abu Hurairah reported that a man came to the Messenger of Allah (peace be upon him) and asked: "O Messenger of Allah, who is the person who has the greatest right on me with regards to kindness and attention?" He replied, "Your mother." "Then who?" He replied, "Your mother." "Then who?" He replied, "Your mother." "Then who?" He replied, "Your father."
And
"Paradise is under the feet of mothers."
Dr. Suhaib Hasan comments on the latter:
The [above] hadith with this wording is da'if, but its meaning is contained in the hadith of Ibn Majah and al-Nasa'i that a man came to the Prophet (may Allah bless him and grant him peace) and said, "O Messenger of Allah! I intend to go on a (military) expedition, but I have come to ask your advice." He said, "Is your mother alive?" He said, "Yes." He said, "Then stay with her, for the Garden is under her feet."[71a]
It is a fact that some mothers deserve the lowest place in hell. It is logical then that Paradise is not under the feet of every mother. The statement "the Garden is under her feet" was said in regard to a particular woman, who probably was known to Mohammad for her uprightness.
Furthermore, the fact that Muhammad did not command every one of his fighting men to stay at home if their mothers were still alive makes it clear that this was not a general principle but refered to a specific woman who possibly was old and in need of the care of her (only?) son.
Even if that Hadith is sahih, it must be noted that both hadiths do focus on mothers in particular, not women in general. Both Hadiths exclude wives who have no children and of course single women.
It must be noted also that both Hadith regulate the specific relationship between children and mothers, not the relationship between husband and wife. So while a son is required to give his mother the utmost respect, the husband of this mother still has the right to desert her, and beat her if he "fears rebelliousness" on her part.
Some other Hadiths that are often quoted in order to counterbalance the many Hadiths that enumerate men's rights are the following:
The best of you is he who is best to his wife.[71b]
The best of you are those who are best to their ahl, meaning spouses and children. And I am the best of you to my family.[71c]
These Hadiths must be viewed in the light of the facts of history. It is a fact that "Mohammad deserted his wives for a whole month."[71d] At one occasion he also called both Aisha and Hafsa "the Companions of Joseph" which is a very derogatory term.[71e] He also intended to divorce Sawda for no reason except that she became old (Ibn Kathir commenting on Q. 4:128). Mohammad's superiority as a husband did not prevent him from exercising his rights as a Muslim man.
2. MEN MAY MARRY UP TO FOUR FREE WOMEN AND HAVE SEX WITH AN UNLIMITED NUMBER OF SLAVE GIRLS
A provision is made for men to marry more than one woman as follows:
"If you fear you can not treat orphans (girls) with fairness, then you may marry other women who seem good to you: two, three or four of them. But if you fear that you can not maintain equality among them, marry only one or any slave girls you may own. This will make it easier for you to avoid injustice."[72]
Some however have argued that since maintaining equality is impossible, then marrying more than one wife is not permissible using the following verse:
"Try as you may, you cannot treat all your wives impartially. Do not set yourself altogether against any of them."[73]
But the majority of the commentators agreed that
The equality in Q. 4:3 is concerned with apportioning time and money, while the equality mentioned in Q. 4:129 is concerned with the affection and love of the man towards his wives.[74]
They further argued that Mohammad himself was not impartial in his affections towards his wives, for he loved 'A'isha more than any of his wives.[75] So as long as the husband can be fair in apportioning his time and money he can marry up to four.
Others believe the number is limited to nine wives, as two and three and four make nine, and Mohammad himself when he passed away had nine wives, and to follow his tradition is the commended way of living.[76]
Others believe that the above verse is the proof for an unlimited number of wives, because the verse does not say two or three or four but literally says two and three and four, meaning two and three and four etc.[77] The majority believe the number of wives the man may marry to be limited to four, because of the reported Hadith about a man who had ten wives. When he became a Muslim, Mohammad said to him : 'Keep four, and leave the rest.'[78]
The reason for marrying more than one woman is given by Ghazali the great Muslim scholar:
"Some men have such a compelling sexual desire that one woman is not sufficient to protect them [from adultery]. Such men therefore preferably marry more than one woman and may have up to four wives."[79]
Besides the above provision men have the right to have sex with their slave girls.
"For if a man purchases a slave girl, the purchase contract includes his right to have sex with her."[80] "This contract is primarily to own her and secondarily to enjoy her sexually."[81]
And the reason for having sex with the slave girls beside one's wives is also given by Ghazali:
"Since among Arabs passion is an overpowering aspect of their nature, the need of their pious men to have sex has been found to be the more intense. And for the purpose of emptying the heart to the worship of God they have been allowed to have sex with women slaves if at some time they should fear that this passion will lead them to commit adultery. Though it is true that such action could lead to the birth of a child that will be a slave, which is a form of destruction,...yet enslaving a child is a lighter offence than the destruction of religious belief. For enslaving the new born is a temporary thing but by committing adultery eternity is lost."[82]
Ghazali gives us an example of this overpowering sexual desire.
"The son of 'Omar who was an ascetic, and a scholar, used to break his fast by having sex before having food. And he might have had sex with three of his slave girls before the last meal."[83]
And Bukhari reported,
"The Prophet used to pass (have sexual relation with) all his wives in one night, and at that time he had nine wives."[84]
For
"He once said of himself that he had been given the power of forty men in sex."[85]
And
"Ali who was the most ascetic of all the companions had four wives, and seventeen slave girls as concubines."[86]
While
"some of the other companions had three and four wives and those who had two wives were countless in number."[87]
Concerning the provision for having sex with slave girls, found in the last part of the above Qur'anic verse, Razi said:
"God made the provision of having sex with many slave girls as easy as marrying one free woman. Besides, the responsibilities and provisions of the slave girls are lighter than those of the dowers, no matter (never mind) if you have a few of them or many, no matter if you were fair in apportioning your nights amongst them or not, no matter whether you completed the sexual act or not."[88]
The commentator Qortobi sees in that verse (Q. 4:3) that slave girls used as such by the free Muslim man
"have neither sexual rights, nor financial rights. For God made the 'one free woman' and the 'slave girls you may own' of the same category. The man however owes the slave girls the appropriate rights of ownership, and the kindness that befits slaves."[89]
So because "the need of the pious men to have sex was found to be the more intense, and for the purpose of emptying the heart for the worship of God" they have been allowed to marry up to four women and have sex with an unlimited number of slave girls even if this provision may lead to "the birth of a child that will be a slave, which is a form of destruction."
3. MAN'S RIGHT TO DIVORCE HIS WIFE
Divorce is recognised by most societies as a horrible thing. It is viewed as such in Islam except that it is viewed as a lawful course of action. The Hadith states, "The most detestable of lawful things near Allah is divorce."[90]
The power to divorce usually resides in the hand of the man. Bukhari reported a Hadith that shows how easy the detestable and lawful act can be.
A "man may say to his brother (in Islam), 'Have a look at either of my wives (and if you wish), I will divorce her for you.'"[91]
It can even happen against the will, and the love of the husband and the wife concerned.
"The son of 'Omar reported: I had a wife under me whom I loved but whom 'Omar disliked. He told me: 'Divorce her'. But I refused. Then 'Omar came to the Messenger of Allah and notified it to him. The messenger of Allah told me: 'Divorce her'."[92] (Quoted by Tirmizi and Abu Daud)
4. MAN'S PRIVILEGES IN THE CUSTODY OF CHILDREN
Man is the privileged party in cases of custody of the children. Gaziri a modern scholar in Islamic Law wrote:
